What is it About a Man With a Cigarette?

Why does it enamor me so?

Don't let me be misunderstood, I would never date someone that is addicted to nicotine. I hate the smell, the thought of my man spending that much on smoking cigarettes when it could be spent on me disgusts me, and I find inability to control oneself to that extent unattractive. These thoughts are judgemental, harsh even, but they are honest and they are mine. If I've caused you offense with them, I wish you more pride in your choices.

Now that we have an understanding, we can discuss openly...Picture this:

Your man, He... He just got a call from someone at his business. Frustration stains his face and his eyes wiggle as he accepts that he has to put of being with you to fix whatever is wrong at the business. He's one of a kind, his mind is so brilliant and because of that, so many people rely on him. They look to him to lead. So do you, but unlike so many others, you're a true partner to him, you understand. So, you touch his hand, playfully wrinkle your nose, and mouth "it's okay". He rakes his fingers through his hair, sighs, kisses your forehead, and grabs his keys. About 20 minutes after he leaves you get a text- "this is going to take longer than I wanted it to. I'm sorry baby. I'll make it up to you". You frown and think "make it up to me? There's no reason to. He's taking care of the business that puts this roof over my head, that spoils me, and provides me everything I can imagine. There's nothing to make up to me." But then, you realize that you guys were about to head out for dinner. He hasn't eaten since you fed him breakfast this morning and he won't until he comes home to you if you don't bring him something. So, you call his favorite place for a quick dinner, put in his order, and head out.

When you arrive to his business or wherever he's doing business (who knows? Maybe he's a developer? Maybe he owns a night club? WHO KNOWS WHAT HE DOES! He could be in the mafia for all you know, you're just a girl) you don't see him just yet. You don't want to call him, you'd like to see the surprised happiness when he sees you. You text his assistant instead . He's out back on a call. Quiet as a mouse, you tip toe around back holding dinner for two.

"This should have been done this morning " you hear him snarl. He rarely yells, but you can tell how angry he is. Not wanting to interrupt, you peep around the corner to see him. Something about him that way is so sexy to you. He's pacing, fidgeting, fighting back his anger in an effort not to speak to anyone abusively. That's who He is. "No, it can't wait- come tonight." He walks inside and through the window you see him tap an employee on the shoulder and gesture a cigarette with his hands. The employee nods and hands a cigarette and lighter to him. When he comes back out you hide again. "I appreciate the apology, but I'll appreciate it more when I see you here fixing it tonight" He sighs. He hangs up and takes a long draw of the cigarette. The hair he'd styled perfectly for your night out has been disheveled by his anxious hands. It falls into his eyes as he closes them and tries to decompress. If you wait any longer, it will be weird, so you pretend that you haven't been there the whole time and "suddenly" pop around the corner. The cigarette is still between his lips when his eyes find you, it stays there as a wide smile spreads across his face. His tired eyes sparkle just a little bit at the sight of you.

"I know you haven't eaten all day" you say.

He takes another long drag from his cigarette, exhales, holds it up, and says "dinner".

You shake your head. "You're not a supermodel, you can't have cigarettes for dinner."

He chuckles and beckons you closer. You walk closer to him, but just before you're within his arm's reach, you pull the bag of food from behind your back and hold it up. He puts the cigarette out against the wall, leans forward, pulls you to him, and kisses the top of your head.

THAT, is the way I like to see a cigarette in a man's mouth. What is it about the cigarette? Why does it bring sparkle to my fantasies? To me- this fantasy is dull without the cigarette. What is it about the cigarette that Imakes it all so romantic? I couldn't tell you. I'll have to keep pondering it, but would love to know if anyone else feels similarly.